Parenting: The Fine Line Between Care and Control

We say, “A baby is a gift of God.”

Nice line. Sounds pure.

 

We also teach:
Be kind. No greed. No jealousy. Have empathy.

Good values.

 

But then a simple question, if these are basic human values,
why do we need constant reminders through religion, rituals, or authority?

 

And then reality hits.

 

A baby who can’t even say their own name
is already being trained to “connect with God.”

 

Because clearly, spirituality means
repeating words without understanding them.

 

Baby’s main goals are milk, sleep & diaper drama.

But No, for parents their priority is “say prayers/verses properly.”

 

Welcome to a world where
understanding is optional, performance is compulsory.

 

Let’s be honest.

Not every child is raised purely out of love.

There’s often an expectation package attached:

“Beta will take care of us in old age.”

Investment mindset.

 

Everything feels fine

until comparison begins.

One child vs another.
Career vs career.
Obedience vs independence.

 

And suddenly:

• Love gets measured 
• Fairness gets flexible 
• And care becomes “control”  

You question them?
Disrespect.

 

You disagree?
Ungrateful.

 

You choose differently?
Emotional drama.

 

“Parents are like God.”

Sounds powerful.
Also dangerous, because it removes accountability.

 

They check if you have money? Love.
They choose your career? Love.
They make you feel guilty? Double love.

 

At some point,
if you’re suffocating and they calling it love, something is off.

 

This isn’t love.
It’s control with emotional branding.

 

Real love is simple:

It helps you grow.
It prepares you to leave.
It respects your individuality.

 

But here, love often sounds like:

“Grow only in the direction I decide.”

 

Typical scene:

Child: “I want to choose my career.”
Parents: “We sacrificed everything for you.”

 

Child: “I want to marry by choice.”
Parents: “So we are dead for you now?”

 

Child: “I need space.”
Parents: “After all we did. . . this is what we get?”

 

At this point, some OTT should start a new category:

Emotional Blackmail – Family Edition

 

And then comes the “sacrifice card.”

Yes, parents do a lot. That’s true. Respect for that.

 

But sometimes it sounds less like love
and more like an unspoken contract:

“We invested in you. Returns expected.”

 

A child is not a retirement plan.
A child is not a second chance at your unfinished dreams.

A child is a person.

 

In many homes, that line gets blurred.

Child becomes a project.
Dreams get transferred.
Choices get overridden.

 

And if the child chooses differently?

System error.
Update rejected.

 

Another layer in parenting is patriarchy its starts after sons marriage.

Parents expect full respect,
but don’t always give it equally.

Son = pride
Daughter-in-law = outsider

 

Lakshmi is welcomed with rituals,
but not with dignity.

 

That’s not culture.
That’s selective respect.

 

So what’s the solution?

 

Simple, but uncomfortable:

To become an adult,
you will have to disappoint your parents sometimes.

 

Not disrespect them.
Not hate them.

Just stop obeying blindly.

 

Because if you never question them,
you’ll never discover who you are.

At the end of the day:

Love should feel like support, not like pressure.

 

Respect should be mutual, not demanded.

 

Freedom should not come with guilt tax.

Because the moment love becomes conditional, it stops being love.

It becomes a system.

 

And systems don’t raise humans
they produce compliance.

A small request to next generation:
Don’t have a baby just because you can.
Have a baby only if you’re ready for the full-time job with no leaves or shortcuts.

 

Vivek ka Mundan (विवेक का मुंडन) - When Logic Gets Shaved Off

 

“Vivek ka mundan.”

These words were mispronounced by Donald Trump during the Namaste Trump event in 2020. 

At that time it sounded random & almost meaningless.

But now, a year into my son’s life, it suddenly makes sense in a strange way.

Because today I find myself asking:

How did vivek (discretion, logic) and mundan (head shaving) come together to justify something that science doesn’t really support?

Lets deep dive.

Family and friends says it very casually, almost like they’re recommending a haircut.

 

“Bas mundan karwa do. Baal strong ho jayenge.”

 

Of course. Because clearly, the human anatomy is a simple machine.

Trim from the top, upgrade from the root. 

 

Dermatology must have missed this ancient Indian wisdom.

 

I try to understand the logic. Hair grows from follicles under the skin. 

Science says shaving doesn’t change that. 

 

But in our culture, logic has always been optional. 

Confidence is enough. If ten people repeat something for fifty years, it automatically becomes truth.

 

Maybe that’s exactly where politicians picked up the trick, you spread hatred against a community or an individual repeat something for fifty times, it automatically becomes truth.

 

Someone even added, “Birth hair is impure.”

 

Impure? The baby just arrived. Fresh out of the factory. 

 

No exposure to Air pollution like we breathing in 300+AQI.

No bad habits still somehow carrying “impurity.” 

 

I have never seen them asking questions on impurities in the milk, clean river water or clean air.

 

For them Sujalam Sufalam (Pure clean water & fruit bearing and fertile land) & Malayaja Sheetalam (Fresh clean air) are just a part of National Song lyrics, & not the need of country.

 

No one is calling for rituals to purify the air. No one is shaving heads to clean the rivers.

Instead they are throwing litres of milk in it.

 

Because fixing real problems needs effort.

Believing pseudo science only needs confidence.

 

Meanwhile, the rest of us, with decades of bad decisions, are apparently pure enough to give advice.

 

Then comes the emotional angle.

“It’s our tradition.”

 

This is where the argument usually ends. Not because it’s convincing, but because questioning tradition is treated like a crime. 

 

You’re not just disagreeing but you’re also disrespecting ancestors, culture, and possibly the entire civilisation.

 

I’m not against traditions. But I am slightly confused about how shaving a baby’s head became a solution to everything hair quality, karma, and sometimes even future success. 

 

At this rate, we should consider full body shaving for better career growth.

 

And the best part? Nobody is fully sure why we do it.

 

Ask five people, you get five answers:

•           “Hair will grow thicker.”

•           “Removes past life karma.”

•           “Good for health.”

•           “It just has to be done.”

•           “Don’t ask too many questions or else we will block your Twitter & Facebook account for India.”

 

That last one is the most honest.

 

Here the real problem is not mundan. It’s our comfort with not questioning things. 

 

We inherit beliefs the same way we inherit old furniture, no one knows why it’s there, but removing it feels wrong.

 

Standing in the middle of this, family on one side, logic on the other.

 

If I say no, I’m “too modern.”
If I say yes, I’m quietly agreeing to something I don’t believe in.

 

Because somewhere I know, mundan feels less like a ritual and more like a business model.

An extra service added to their list.

 

After all, marriages and last rites don’t happen every day. But babies? 

That’s a steady market.

 

And when belief is strong, you don’t even need marketing. Tradition does the selling, and people don’t ask for a proof.

If anything fails, karma is ready to take blames.

 

So, the real question is not whether mundan works.

 

The real question is: How do you remove superstition when it comes wrapped in love, tradition, and social pressure?

 

Because shaving a baby’s head is easy.

Shaving off generations of unquestioned belief is the most difficult part.

Eventually we choose to shave off discretion & logic.